I'm human afterall.

I feel horrible.

In my frustration, I did not hesitate to give Joshua to his yaya despite his cries for mommy. I had been trying to put him to sleep for an hour already. His yaya is still new and so I put Joshua to sleep in the afternoons until such time he is comfy with his Yaya Lea.

We danced. I sang. He nursed. An hour passed & he was still struggling to keep his eyes open. I knew he was sleepy; his eyes were red. But he won’t sleep! Why?

I was tired and I had been MIA from my desk for an hour already. I had a few things to finish and I was frustrated.

Frustrated for not being able to put him to sleep & frustrated because he just won’t sleep!

I threatened to give him to his yaya if he won’t sleep, so he closed his eyes only to open it a few seconds later. He was laughing now. Giggling a bit. Calling out for his yaya. So..I gave him to his yaya.

“Good I can go back to work now.” I thought to myself.

But, as I did so, he cried. So naturally I gave in and tried to put him to sleep yet again. This time was no different, as soon as his yaya would leave the room he would again call out to her. I can’t believe it, the boy is testing me.

I was angry now. (and did I mention tired?)

His yaya came back in and so I left. I heard him shout and cry but I did not turn back. I continued walking. At that point I really gave up.

It felt horrible.

When I checked up on him 45 minutes later…he was asleep. The cook put him to sleep.
“Tulog man diay, daghan pa gyud drama.” I guess he was super tired from all the crying that he also gave up ~ and slept!

Haii…motherhood has its downside moments.